How a parent’s overgiving can quietly traumatise a child, as Anusha Dandekar explains

Not all trauma looks dramatic — some of it is learned silently by watching who always comes last

When actor and VJ Anusha Dandekar spoke about childhood trauma, she wasn’t talking about abuse or fear — but about watching a parent give endlessly to everyone else.

---

Top Summary

• What happened: Anusha Dandekar reflected on how observing a parent’s overgiving shaped her emotional patterns.

• Why it matters now: Experts say subtle, everyday family dynamics can leave long-lasting psychological imprints.

• What changes for people: It reframes trauma as something that can stem from people-pleasing and self-erasure, not just overt harm.

• Who is affected: Children raised by emotionally overextended caregivers; adults struggling with boundaries and guilt.

---

What happened:

In a recent conversation with Dr Madhu Chopra, Anusha Dandekar spoke candidly about a form of childhood trauma that often goes unnoticed.

When asked whether her trauma was “imaginary” given her stable family background, Dandekar clarified that her experience wasn’t about feeling unsafe or abused.

Instead, it was about what she witnessed daily.

“The things that you witness — like your mum being an overgiver, a people pleaser, showing up for everybody and not herself,” she said.

---

Why it matters now:

Mental health conversations often focus on extreme events, but psychologists increasingly recognise that chronic emotional patterns can be just as impactful.

Watching a parent constantly neglect themselves teaches children powerful, unspoken lessons.

These include:

• Love equals self-sacrifice

• Needs should be suppressed

• Boundaries are selfish

---

What changes for people:

Children raised in such environments may grow up to:

• Struggle with guilt when prioritising themselves

• Become chronic people-pleasers

• Feel responsible for others’ emotions

• Lose touch with their own needs

Often, as Dandekar noted, “you don’t know where you got it from until you look back.”

---

Who is affected:

• Children of emotionally overgiving parents

• Adults dealing with burnout and boundary issues

• Families where care is one-sided and unacknowledged

---

Powerful lead insight

This form of trauma doesn’t come from harm — it comes from love without limits.

And because it looks “normal,” it often goes unnamed for years.

---

Bottom line

Anusha Dandekar’s reflection highlights a crucial truth: trauma isn’t only about what happens to you — it’s also about what you repeatedly observe. When children grow up watching a parent disappear into service of others, they may learn to do the same to themselves.

---

What to watch next

• Growing recognition of subtle childhood trauma

• Conversations around boundaries and self-worth

• Mental health narratives beyond abuse-focused frameworks

• How parenting styles shape adult emotional patterns