Expert Mothers, Invisible Fathers: India's Unequal Parenting Debate

Top Summary

• What happened: Uttar Pradesh Governor Anandiben Patel advised women to be 'expert mothers' before career aspirations, igniting debate.
• Why it matters: The statement highlights persistent gender biases in societal expectations around parenting and ambition.
• What changes: It calls for a re-evaluation of shared parental responsibilities and challenges the notion of 'expert fathers' as a cultural concept.
• Who is affected: Women facing career-parenting dilemmas, men burdened by primary provider roles, and society's understanding of equality are impacted.

The 'Expert Mother' Mandate Ignites Controversy

Uttar Pradesh Governor Anandiben Patel's recent address, urging women to first become 'expert mothers' before pursuing professions like IAS officers or teachers, has stirred a significant debate.

The core of the controversy lies in the implicit question: why is this expectation exclusively placed on women, with no comparable call for men to become 'expert fathers'?

Challenging Deep-Seated Double Standards

This call appears to disregard the growing societal ideal of shared parenting responsibilities. It comes at a time when fathers are increasingly celebrated for active involvement in childcare and household duties.

The stark contrast is evident: where are the public appeals for men to "become expert fathers before aspiring to civil service," or "learn childcare before dreaming of bureaucracy"?

Societal Assumptions Undermining Equality

Experts point out that society operates on ingrained assumptions: a man's career is paramount, fatherhood is secondary, and women will naturally bear the brunt of caregiving.

This framework leaves women seemingly needing permission to pursue their ambitions, while their domestic roles are assumed.

The Non-Existent 'Expert Father'

"The question itself exposes the double standard. We don't even have a cultural concept of an 'expert father'."

Maitrayee Sen, a PhD scholar at Ashoka University, highlights the absence of a cultural equivalent for 'expert fathers'.

Historically, women have been confined to domestic roles, while men were associated with careers. This has led to a persistent imbalance in expectations.

The 'Second Shift' and Early Conditioning

Sociologists refer to this as the 'second shift'—the unpaid domestic labour women undertake after their paid work ends. This is often reinforced from childhood.

Girls are frequently conditioned to expect a future centered on family care, while boys are guided towards career success, making these expectations seem normal by adulthood.

Patriarchy's Dual Impact

Simantini Ghosh, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Ashoka University, argues that these patriarchal notions are detrimental to men as well.

While women shoulder caregiving, men are burdened as primary providers, linking job loss to self-worth and often discouraging them from seeking mental health support.

Parenting: A Shared Responsibility, Not a Woman's Test

Communications specialist Saudamini Ali Khan contends that this imbalance has been so normalized it's perceived as culture.

Parenthood involves two individuals, yet excellence in raising children is disproportionately demanded of one.

"If raising children is society's highest calling, why is it treated as a woman's test and a man's choice?"

Khan advocates for shifting focus from 'expert mothers' to an 'expert society' that supports all women and raises fathers as equal partners.

Priyanka Chopra's past statement resonates: "Give women the ability to get the job, to be the CEO, and don't question her choice or her drive."

The persistent question isn't about women's capacity for expert motherhood, but rather why society has yet to cultivate expectations for expert fatherhood.